Take a look at 14.4 on pp. 422ff in the text. Which one do you think is best? Which one is worst? In both cases, why? In general, comment on the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of the various attempts. Be prepared to discuss these examples in class on Wednesday.
I believe that memo number 3 is the best. First of all the subject line is the most specific. It highlights the fact that there is a new suggestion system, but unlike the other memos the subject line specifically mentions employees so that the hourly workers know that the message is intended for them. What makes this memo the best is the first paragraph. Immediately the memo introduces the suggestion system and the reward. The reward grabs the attention of the hourly workers and makes them want to read the rest of the memo. They are instantly told about the good news that relates to them, and not necessarily what is best for the entire company. This memo then continues to highlight the two types of rewards and what specific suggestions they are looking for in order to receive these awards. Then the memo explains where to get the suggestion forms and sounds enthusiastic about each individual suggestion from each individual employee, which makes the hourly workers feel as if there own message is personally being heard. The final two paragraphs show how even the littlest suggestion could greatly help the company and the employee who submitted it.
ReplyDeleteThe worst example memo is number 1. This memo seems very generic. The subject line simply says “Suggestion System.” If I worked for this company and received this memo I would hardly pay any attention to it because it seems so vague and does not even mention me, the employee. Then the first paragraph briefly outlines the suggestion system without any details or mentioning of a reward. This paragraph seems to focus only on the company and not about the employees, who make the company successful. Then the memo talks about the distribution and collection of the suggestions, but once again is very vague and does not offer any specific details about when or where they can receive or deposit their ideas. Finally the memo gets to the rewards for good ideas. However, the memo does not mention what the grand prize is and says that it will be evaluated over a six-month period. I would not be very excited to offer suggestions if the grand prize was a mystery and maybe given after six months. Then the memo ends in a very generic tone by not giving any examples of how to structure suggestions, and simply stating, “Your questions should be channeled to my office.” This memo does not make me want to offer any suggestions for the company, unlike memo number 3.
I think the best memo is number 3. Number 3 has the most specific subject line yet it is still short. The memo specifies when the new program starts, who it applies to, and the details of the new program. The memo tells exactly what can be done to earn the cash awards as well. The memo is specific and leaves few questions regarding the implementation of the new plan. The worst plan I think is number 1. Number one has a generic subject line that is not specific. The start of the memo starts off with an "I", which is good to do in a memo. Also some details are left out and employees are likely to have questions regarding the new plan.
ReplyDeleteThe best memo is number 3. It addresses the reader as 'you' making it more personal. The memo begins positively by addressing the cash awards. The subject line sets you up for the rest of the memo, you already have an idea of what the memo will be about. Also, the memo is clear and easily understood. I know the process of how to submit a suggestion and how I will be rewarded. Not only does it effectively describe how to submit a suggestion, the author also gives examples of what problems a suggestion could address. This memo also gives a reason for the suggestion system (making the company more competitive). The memo ends on a positive not that will make the reader want to act, suggesting that the reward will look good on credentials will motivate employees to participate. This memo promotes goodwill by not singling out employees by saying everyone who is an hourly employee can participate rather than, "everyone except foreman and supervisors".
ReplyDeleteThe first memo is the worst example because it singles out employees who cannot participate. The memo does not explain why the company is starting this new system or suggest that this will benefit the employee rather than winning the award. The memo is too short with not enough information. It is impersonal as it never addresses the reader.
I think the best memo is number 3. Even though it is longer it has a lot of important details. The subject line is the most specific so everyone knows who the memo is for and what it is about. I also think is easier to follow as opposed to memo 1. Number three also has the "you" sense while reading it. Within the first sentence you are aware that something good is happening and that you can recieve an award, where as in the others you dont find out until later.
ReplyDeleteThe worst memo is number one. Starting with the subject line, you really do not know what you are going to be reading about. It does not explain to you the process of the system, just a brief oversight on what is happening. Also, it doesnt incorporate the reader they use "I" in the first sentence. There is no way to contact the sender either when he says to contact him.
By far the worst business memo is number one because it is way too vague and confusing, and just lists off criteria. The subject line doesn't even make me want to read the memo and the last line of the first paragraph is pointless.
ReplyDeleteThe best business memo is number 3 because it is complete and concise. The subject line is very specific, and the point of the memo is spelled out in the very first paragraph. It almost feels like someone is having a conversation with me and although it is longer than the other memos it is the easiest to read. This memo kept my attention the whole time as compared to numbers one and two, as i had to go back and read parts over again to try and make sense of everything, memo number 3 answered all of my questions right in the body of it compared to the others.
I think the best memo is number 3. Memo number 3 has the most specific subject line and gives the reader the most information when telling what the memo is regarding. The first and second memo's are very generic and do not seem personal at all. The third memo has the 'you' attitude making the reader feel like the memo is directed for them and their well-being. The third memo personalizes the memo which the first and second memo's do not. The first memo also creates a somewhat negative attitude regarding the SS committee, where the third one makes it sound like a positive thing for the entire business. The third memo is the most clear in its delivery and makes it easy for the reader to understand. It gives elaborate details regarding the changes being made to the office, and gives examples of suggestions the workers could enter and think of. The second memo gives more detail than the first but it still does not seem personable, and does not give a positive aspect to the SS Committee which the third memo clearly does. The third memo also gives examples of how the company has expanded and grown over the years due to its employees, showing that their loyalty and hard work is valued, making them more intrigued to contribute to this activity. The first memo is the worst because of its lack of information, as well as negative undertone due to the generic and simple form of its delivery. It does not include enough information for the reader to understand what this new system entails.
ReplyDeleteThe best memo is number three. It is concise and thorough. This memo gives examples of how this new program will benefit both the company and the employee that submit worthwhile suggestions. This displays to the employee that hard work and their ideas are important to the company, thus making the singular employee important and not just a part of a general group. The worst memo is the first. It does not provide enough information to motivate the employee. There is no tangible incentive and not enough explanation for the employee about this new program. Where the first memo lacks, is in the numbers. They both mention the $50 aspect, but "grand prize" is not as attractive as "10% of the first year's estimated annual savings."
ReplyDeleteMemo number three is the most effective and enjoyable to read. It feels very direct and personal to the reader. It is very specific as to what the benefits are for the suggestion system. It uses the name of the company, and provides you with specific scenarios of when a suggestion would be necessary. It narrows down the weaknesses by saying the benefits will improve the employees general well being while at work. Lastly, it shows benefits aside from work. Such as adding the award to their resume, and being mentioned in a newsletter.
ReplyDeleteMemo number one was the worst. It wasn't detailed about the suggestion system and who would be on the committee. It was vague about the benefits, they didn't mention what kind of awards they would be receiving. Used "his" in reference to the subject which doesn't appeal to the female employee. It carried an intimidating stern tone that scares off the reader.
Memo two is average, better than one worse than three. It was a little more specific than one but not as inviting and detailed as number three.
The first sample is the worst, the second is better, and the third is best.
ReplyDeleteThe first sample has a vague subject line. The first paragraph does not contain the information it needs. The tone is not particularly positive and the ending is not positive. Also the structure feels a bit awkward to me. At least it opens communication, kind of.
The second sample still doesn't give all the info in the first paragraph. The second paragraph says "October 1" in the first sentence, which bothers me. The last paragraph is really long, doesn't open communication, and isn't particularly positive.
The third has a good subject, a good first paragraph, sounds exciting, gives all the information needed, ends positively, says why it is a good thing, uses you-attitude, is easy to read, and says who is allowed to participate without saying right out that people are excluded, which also makes it more positive.
I think that the third example was the best. It described in detail all of the information that the company was looking for, as well as sounding very positive the entire time. The subject line was also good for catching readers' attention. This example also provided examples for the employees' to get an idea of what they should be thinking about.
ReplyDeleteI think that the first example was the worst. It was very short, and did not include very much information regarding the new system. It was also very bland to read, and not very interesting.
The 3rd memo is the most effective. It is written very clearly and in a slightly informal way that people can easily understand and be attracted to. It provides examples that employees can use as resources and personal connections that employees can make. This memo also focuses on the positive aspects of this new program/system, which makes this system sound very appealing.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, the 2nd memo is a bit less persuasive and some of the sentences are structured awkwardly. The memo contains good information about the system that the employees can use, but it lacks the personal/direct connection to the employees that the 3rd memo includes.
The 1st memo is the least effective and persuasive. It uses words such as "excludes", "judged", and "only" that make the system sound less attractive. It also is focused on the person who issued the memo and there is NO connection to the employees, nor does it explain how they can benefit from this.
The 3rd memo is the most effective for several reasons. It begins immediately with the positive news--cash prizes for good ideas. The benefits are listed quickly to present the details for the suggestion system right from the start. The slight negative news (details about completing forms to suggest ideas) is buried in the middle of the memo. The memo ends on a positive note encouraging people to help for the better of the company and themselves (in order to prove their "creativity and problem-solving abilities").
ReplyDeleteThe first memo is the least persuasive. The memo begins with a neutral tone by mentioning a new system with no regards to why the receiver should be interested. The positive news is buried in the middle of the memo and is not emphasized in any way. In fact, the 2nd condition is not even clear concerning the terms for the award.
The second memo does a poor job presenting the positive news, but does better than the first. The details are presented in a neutral manner and bog down any incentive for reward by overwhelming the reader with details about filling out forms. The awards are listed clearly, but near the end of the memo.
Memo number 3 is definitely the best. It's very personal, friendly yet very informative and effective. In include the attention-getter "cash awards" from the very beginning which would encourage people to keep reading till the end. The suggestions that included in the memo are also very effective because it creates some critea for employees to think about so they can spend less time brainstorming and more time working. The worst is number 1 when there is no detail about the new system. It's too vague. I did not enjoy reading it at all and I have a feeling that the employer who wrote it showed no interest in the system and the memo was just something that he had to do as part of his job
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above comments, that memo 3 is easily the best of the examples listed. It gives us a clear subject line from the start, as well as an interesting first paragraph that immediately grabs the reader's attention and gives them the good news--in such a way as to interest them (i.e., in the cash awards and benefits) and to keep them reading. The writer also does an excellent job with clarity and completeness; given the amount of information and the straightforward explanation, the writer will hopefully avoid future questions or clarifying memos on the same subject. The memo ends on a positive note, making readers feel excited about this new program.
ReplyDeleteWhile memo 2 does announce the program and give some explanation and detail, it fails in several ways. It is, first of all, writer-centered rather than reader-centered, making readers immediately less interested in the subject because it appears to appeal less to them. The memo also makes the new program sound complicated, which will turn off readers.
The worst, in my opinion, is the first memo. It is also somewhat writer-centered; it fails to completely explain the new program; readers will not leave the memo feeling excited or even interested, even though this is an excellent opportunity that could benefit them. The memo is also confusing and not well-written, which could raise several questions from readers.
Sorry, that last comment was from Alexa in your 9 a.m. class. The blog would not allow me to put my name for some reason...sorry!
ReplyDelete1. The subject line does not give the good news, it simply says the name of the system which wouldn’t necessarily differentiate this message from others in the same subject. The first paragraph definitely gives a basic summarization of the information involving the program. All the information is given: when the program begins, how the suggestions will be collected, when the suggestions will be collected, who is eligible, and the awards offered. There are benefits that seem likely to occur for the employees who participate. Even though the benefits are expressed, the best benefit (10% of the first year’s estimated annual savings) isn’t described. In my opinion, the last paragraph just seems like more orders, not really a positive note. The message uses “you-attitude,” has a friendly tone, easy to read style, more inviting style than just a black of paragraphs, and uses standard grammar.
ReplyDelete2. The subject line tells the employee that the SS program has been started which is stating the good news better than the other memos. It differentiates the messages from the first memo. The first paragraph is a really general description of what the SS program entails. The next paragraphs have a friendly yet informative tone. They use positive emphasis, are easy to read, and are inviting. There is a lot more helpful information included in this memo than the first such as the date the program starts, what form to fill out, what to put on the form, when the forms will be distributed to each floor, and where the form should be deposited and the location of the deposit box. Unlike the first memo, it does not say that the suggestion box will be cleared once a week. Unlike the other memo, the rewards system is explained a lot better. The last paragraph is extremely positive. It tells all employees the benefits of the new program and makes sure they know the company AND the employee are benefitting from this new program.
3. The subject line delivers the news that there is a new program. It could be differentiated from other memos about he same subject. Like memo number two, the rewards are some -what well described. After the reward description, it seems like someone else is writing the memo. Now the memo is trying to engage the reader by asking questions. The benefits of the memo are developed, but it doesn’t really seem like they are believable. The memo however does end on a positive note. The last paragraph gives the employee incentive to participate in the SS program.
Memo number three is the best over all. Memo number one is vague, memo number two is a lot better then number one, and memo number three combines the best qualities out of both the first and second memo.
The best ist he 3rd memo. It has a nutral subject line. It does not directly state who can't use it, but rather who can use it. I also like the dots rather than numbers, because it doesn't look like it is ranking the two pieces of infromation.
ReplyDeleteThe end also stresses that it will benefit the employee, not everyone else.
The wrost is number 1. The subject is too direct. The focus is on the person writing the memo and not on the people that are reading it. There is also no incentive in evaluating the SS, from a personal perspective.
Number 2 is in the middle. It isn't bad, it just isn't the best that the memo could have been. Number 2 does focus more on the audience and has some more "you-attude" than number 1, but it focuses on we instead of the you in some cases.
I believe that memo #1 is the worst memo because it is written in the form of "I" which almost excludes the employees in its tone. It also goes on to "exclude" certain types of workers instead of just stating who the new program is for. It also states that question can be taken to a certain office but does not name that office or its location.
ReplyDeleteMemo #3 is the best of the three choices because it is written in the "you" form and walks the employees step by step with regards to how to work this new program and what they are looking for. Memo 3 also does not leave room for questioning because they try to answer all the questions employees may have in the memo.
Memo number three is the best because it separates itself from the rest in numerous ways. First, the memo is addressing the reader specifically and personally. The use of employees and hourly employees, instead of workers, lets the reader know that the writer has more respect for them. Secondly, the memo is specific. It gives great direction to the reader on what to say on the suggestion and where to turn it in. Thirdly, memo three is positive even when a negative topic needs to be addressed. Memo number 3 is definitely the most effective.
ReplyDeleteThe worst memo is memo number one. This is because memo one isn't as personal as memo three. It also isn't as specific or direct. This memo is definitely the least effective.
Number 3 is clearly the best written one. In the first paragraph, the writer does a great job at calling the workers "hourly employees" and gives them good incentive to work hard by earning cash rewards. In comparison, in the first one, the writer calls it "SS" and makes the program sound as though the employees are required to enter and will be judged on their ideas. Also, the third one gives prompts or things to think about and ideas about how to make suggestions. The third email does a great job at giving the good news the empoyees need to know, incentivizes them, and gives them credit for previous work they have done, while the other two do not.
ReplyDelete